What you're describing has nothing to do with morality. This is simply about your aversion to risk and desire to maintain control. There's no moral conflict. You can plan for control and you can plan for quality, even at scale.
What you can't plan for is other people's willingness or lack thereof to give you money.
So, stop beating your head against the wall and take a step forward. Do your damn research so you know exactly what it will take to maintain the quality you demand. Do your research to make sure you have tested each and every one of your assumptions. Do your research to ensure your marketing strategy will function as expected. And find that product-market fit so there will be no question when you approach investors that your product will enter the market with low risk and high reward.
Forget Kickstarter. Kickstarter is for a different class of businesses with a very specific market fit. And it's an entirely different business model that requires a few months of preparation AND management of the campaign that it's clear you're not ready for if you're worried about the stuff you described.
Being too big should be your best kind of problem. No one says you have to sell more stuff if selling more stuff means you have to compromise your integrity. Make it a limited supply. They don't produce more Maker's Mark bottles just because there are more people that want them than they produce. They have decided where to put the ceiling and they're sticking to it.
Taking forever as you inelegantly put it is simply representative of time vs. money. Both are forms of attention. And you can substitute one for the other. Don't have the money, spend more time, don't have the time, spend more money. Worry less about the funding and more about proof of concept. If you actually build something remarkable and validate each step, you'll have a much easier time persuading others to support you financially while you get off the ground. If you focus on the funding first when you don't even know how much it's going to take, you're doomed to frustration.
Utilizing Kickstarter or Indiegogo, especially when you have physical product, is a great place to start when you what to test the demand for your product and raise funds as well. There is a lot of benefits to crowdfunding your idea first before going to investors (e.g. showing early traction, supporting your companies pre-money valuation, obtaining a list of future customers and investors (if you decided to execute an equity crowdfunding campaign)).
In addition, if you have a successful Kickstarter or Indiegogo campaign, you can move the campaign to Indiegogo InDemand and continue your campaign.
Also, that will help you if you decided to leverage the different equity crowdfunding sites (i.e. StartEngine, Republic, MicroVenture, SeedInvest) you can raise substantial funds without dealing with VCs or investment firms (check out the story of Groundfloor).
No need to give up 20% or more of your equity before you get your idea validated by the market. Good luck and much success in your business.
Also, I am in the planning process for kicking off my crowdfunding campaign to test the demand for my project on a larger scale. So, I am setting up links, on my crowdfunding page, that go to my landing page to drive traffic there to get additional information as well.
What stage are you at?
(Idea, prototype, first production run, etc.)